What Nike and Jordan Have In Common With L Tray and Halo 3

There are a couple commercials that I've seen recently that really hit home. First is a Nike commercial that has athletes such as LT and Matt Holliday telling me that their better's better than my better. Although this slogan really doesn't make a whole lot of sense, I assume that what they're saying is that when they need to push to an extra gear, they leave us normies in the dust.

Before I connect this commercial to my Halo 3 superiority, I must say that I have some problems with it. Let's take a look at its stars. All of them, at best, have taken home prestigious individual awards and forgotten to take championships with them. Oops.





1. Matt Holliday-Josh Beckett's better is better than your better.
2. Steve Nash-Tony Parker's better is better than your better.
3. LaDainian Tomlinson-Manning and Brady's better is better than your better.
4. Hope Solo-You ride pine. Everyone's better is better than your better.
5. Kevin Durant-Every small forward in the NBA's better is better than your better.
6. Numerous Little Kids, Insects, and Women: L Tray's better is better than your better. You are inferior.

Moving on, we also have a new Jordan commercial. This one is kickass.

Past champions coupled with shots of current teams and stars working hard late into the night. This is how you make a commercial. You don't win titles with talent alone. You also need to practice more and to want it more than anyone else. Now, with that being said, behold L Tray in all his Halo 3 glory. The map is Construct, by far the best in the game. Here's Picture #1:

See that crumpled blue body parallel to the floor? That's my corpse. That's TrukeLayser. I can hear all you fools now. "L Tray, you said you were good at Halo!!1 You are obviously garbage! You are a liar!!!!111 lmfao" Shhh. It's okay. Calm down. Go flog your dolphin. Take a closer look at the picture. It says I was killed by Kleeno008. See that red body above mine? See that explosion in the background? That's Kleeno, getting his shit blown up by my posthumous grenade. Halo 3 calls that a "Death From the Grave."

You see, it's always a good idea to fire grenades wildly when you know you're about to bite it. As SNL cast member Jason Sudeikis recently observed on Conan, what the teenagers like to do when they play Halo is to annihilate you, then crouch/stand/crouch/stand over the corpse. They kill you, then hump you. It's really quite degrading. That said, a well-placed grenade effectively obliterates someone who is mid-hump. Very satisfying. And it doesn't seem like much, but that one kill can be the difference between a win and a loss. It's a game of inches. Al Pacino would agree. Here's Picture #2.

Pretty easy to see what's going on here. I have a sword, and I have completely wrecked an unidentified noob. There's not too many feelings greater than the one that comes when idiots turn a corner armed with an assault rifle and a prayer. You can almost hear them poop their pants when they see the sword coming at them. Beautiful. Picture #3:

Here I am smoking Kleeno again. Poor fella. He probably had no right thumb, forcing him to use the right analog stick with his teeth. I lit him up like a suburban front yard during Christmas. Notice the Double Kill medal on the left. My better was better. I practiced more. I wanted it more. The end result was 22 kills out of my team's 50, and only 9 deaths. +13 for the game. And yes, the final score was 50-49. Looks like that grenade early in the game was worth it after all. It's the little things, friends. Happy hunting.