Well, I do. We've got some sweet nominations for Best Picture this year. I've seen two of the five, and I'll be seeing the other 3 very soon. Let's compare what Rotten Tomatoes thinks with what I think in order to predict the winner. Using this method, I can boldly make a McDowell Guarantee that the winner will be predicted right here on this page. We'll go through the nominations alphabetically.
Atonement
Rotten Tomatoes Says: 82% Wow, I've never in my entire life seen a nomination go to a wartime love story with thick accents. This one caught me off guard. And yes, I've seen it. Yes, I enjoyed it. There were some great shots in it. It was filmed by Joe Wright, the same guy who directed Pride & Prejudice, which was also beautifully shot. Shut up.
Juno
Rotten Tomatoes Says: 93% This is the other one that I've seen. I laughed quite a bit. Michael Cera, J.K. Simmons, and Jason Bateman are all hilarious. And I guess Ellen Page and Jennifer Garner did pretty well, considering their double X chromosome makes them inferior. But seriously, Page was incredible. She could very well run away with Best Actress. But sadly, this is a comedy, and comedies never, ever, ever, ever, ever win Best Picture.
Michael Clayton
Rotten Tomatoes Says: 90% I know very little about this film. It obviously stars George Clooney, and the character he plays handles very important phone calls. Sounds good to me. Ooooo, hang on a second. Apparently it's a "Thriller." Well, the elderly people at the Academy do not enjoy thrills. Unless they're British thrills. They're all over those.
No Country For Old Men
Rotten Tomatoes Says: 95% Can't wait to see this one. By the way, this is going to win Best Picture. If memory serves, the Coen brothers have never made a movie that's won Best Picture. Oscar is big on giving veteran filmmakers their due.
There Will Be Blood
Rotten Tomatoes Says: 91% Daniel Day-Lewis being a badass. I feel like I've seen this before. Word on the street is that if he doesn't win Best Actor, Javier Bardem is gonna wreck some fools. So we have that to look forward to.
This concludes the most uninformative Oscar preview of all time. I've seen only two of the movies. One was a Brit Chick Flick and the other was a lovely teenage comedy. The kickass guy movies, naturally, I have not seen. I have some work to do. Oh, and by the way: In any other year, Oscar would award No Country For Old Men the Best Picture. But this is a new Oscar! You see, the Academy is very aware of its old-as-wrinkly-balls image, and they are eager to break into the 21st century(almost a decade late) This is a new Academy! A hip Academy! They enjoy strippers. They also enjoy screenwriting strippers! Thus, get ready to see Jason Reitman, Diablo Cody, and Ellen Page accepting the Oscar for Best Picture! It's Juno! That is a McDowell Guarantee.
This concludes the most uninformative Oscar preview of all time. I've seen only two of the movies. One was a Brit Chick Flick and the other was a lovely teenage comedy. The kickass guy movies, naturally, I have not seen. I have some work to do. Oh, and by the way: In any other year, Oscar would award No Country For Old Men the Best Picture. But this is a new Oscar! You see, the Academy is very aware of its old-as-wrinkly-balls image, and they are eager to break into the 21st century(almost a decade late) This is a new Academy! A hip Academy! They enjoy strippers. They also enjoy screenwriting strippers! Thus, get ready to see Jason Reitman, Diablo Cody, and Ellen Page accepting the Oscar for Best Picture! It's Juno! That is a McDowell Guarantee.
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